I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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