It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
