It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
