whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
