it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
