The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
