My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
ugly people sure do ruin things
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
