I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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