Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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