Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
