Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
