Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
