If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
