I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He has the fingertips of a God
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