My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
