its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
