in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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