i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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