Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
