let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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