Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Randomize