It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
