Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
