in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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