how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
