i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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