So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
