I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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