We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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