i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
