I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
where are my eyebrows?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize