I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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