you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
