i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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