Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize