erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
home. puking in laundry basket.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The struggles of a small town man whore
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
