I think I died a long time ago.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
