Cold hands, warm shart.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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