i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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