I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Come on in and take your pants off
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
