I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Randomize
