I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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