How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize