so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
