So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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