Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
