the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
