If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
