Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
