I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
