In the future we'll all be gay
why didn't you poke me back
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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