I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
