somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
