Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
