Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
