ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
