You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
