singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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