So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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