I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
