Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Is this like a preordered booty call?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
