he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
