i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
