i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
