My room smells like vodka and shame
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
