Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
