stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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