Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
