"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize