I'm so fucking centered right now
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
