That's when you crack a 10am beer
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
